Disappearing:
Psalm 19
Galatians 2.20: “...[I]t is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Disappearing comes in those moments when we can see the world beyond ourselves as it is, undistorted by ourselves in the frame. Sometimes, as in Psalm 19, it comes in moments of awe, when we are so caught up in beauty or in process or in relationship that our sense of self ebbs away, leaving only the experience. Sometimes it comes when our illusions about our false self are stripped away, and we stand undefended before the truth of our lives. Either one can be a powerful motivation for change. Both allow us to see ourselves as part of God’s plan, in relationship to others. Both can help us to find our way to where God is calling us.
Dr Elnes writes:
“Pride artificially inflates our self-image. Shame artificially deflates it. Both tend to set us on dead-end paths because they cause us to obstruct our connection with God. Pride convinces us that we are better off living under our own power and authority. Shame convinces us that God does not love us as we are, thus we are unworthy of connection. Ironically, both pride and shame tend to fabricate an image of ourselves that is ultimately too small to live within. Too small because it is restricted by the limits of our imagination, which itself is limited by the cultural norms of our surroundings, historical context, family upbringing, personal fears and insecurities, and so on. Even when pride builds us up with visions of grandeur, those images tend to be inherently unstable. Built upon a foundation of insecurity and wishful-thinking, even small challenges tend to collapse them like a house of cards” (pp. 125–126).
Humility is the gift that allows us to see ourselves as we are, and to properly see where we fit into God’s plans. It allows us to build programs that do not depend on us, to be part of a larger picture rather than the whole picture, and to repent (think differently) when we are part of a problem or unsure of our next steps. When we disappear to ourselves, our vision clears so that we can see what God is calling us to do and be.
Have you ever been too sure of yourself? What happened? When you behave as if you are completely sure of yourself, are you really confident? How can we maintain a balance between healthy confidence and over weaning pride?
Have you ever caught yourself in the moment or looking back in hindsight trying to present a false self to others? How did that work out? Have you ever messed up so badly you were afraid there would be terrible consequences? Have you ever wondered if maybe you are being punished by God?
Can we resist the desire to be loved for the wrong reasons and instead turn and bless the world?
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